I am the plague.

Oh, I would say yes
Oh, I would say yesssssss.
 
Symphonia IX (my wait is u) - Grimes
 
Hello all! I have not been on p-vore for awhile now. I am feeling pretty creative right now so here I am. Express opinions and emotions. I want to do that for a living... would that make me want to be an artist?! Who knows for real.
 
I love Grimes. I think her music is magical and light and airy yet with a touch of darkness. It sounds like a mystical tribe dance. I am in love.
 
I also love the poet sylvia plath as seen here. She is sooo incredibly dark. She really is a troubled emotional woman. Or was I guess. Her words were sooo well put together.
 
I love her poems "Mad Girl's Love Song" and "Morning Song" There is just so much depth and beautifully sounding words in the poems.
 
Go you Sylvia Plath. You're a true artist!
I aspire to be one, someday perhaps!

Who else is going to put up with me this way?
I need you, I breathe you,
I'll never leave you.
 
College life's good.
Roommate's good, friends are chill, classes are fine.
 
UW FTW!
 
Also Lolita.

I am so pissed off.
 
I hate false appearances. Anything that is not genuine kills me. You think you know someone.
 
Take my sister for example. She drives me crazy because she's super defensive and secretive. Always in her room and she won't tell me or anyone in our family about her personal life.
 
I've always been an advocate against drug use because it's the main reason people seem to use it is to give of a certain image that describes what is cool and it is really just shallow.
 
I have thought this and never drank until my Prom night. I actually did it because I wanted to, I did not feel any pressure from my friends or anything.
 
My sister has complained about her friends that drink who think they're super cool because they took a shot one night by themselves.
 
I was just absolutely pissed today when I found out that my sister drinks and has smoked.
 
I was just like "REALLY?" Like I had no idea because she always seems to complain about people who do that and I don't know. She's my little sister. I am 18 going into college and she just turned 16.
 
It's hard for me to imagine her smoking or her wanting to smoke.
 
Around the family she is jokey but she is mostly grumpy and we all agree she has an attitude problem.
 
I seriously hate her.
 
Like she won't ever open up to me because she is full of stupid Leo pride and she is afraid I am going to offend her because she is so sensitive. Like anything little thing I say to her upsets her.
 
Grow up. I mean I didn't act like that when I was 16. Maybe when I was 13.
 
I just she is some problem. She doesn't eat. She's rapidly losing weight. She is quitting her activities. I just cannot put up with someone who doesn't want to interact with me.
 
I am mostly mad because she didn't tell me at all. I mean I know she's not supposed to tell me. But I hate how it's like we're not even sisters.
 
I want a real sister who treats me right and loves me. I can be a little harsh but it's better to be honest than lie all the time.
 
I try to help her out all the time with school. I do her little favors and I usually always accommodate her. She does little in return.
 
She is just so vain and self absorbed with her image. She apparently is super social and outgoing yet also unsure of herself.
 
I am just so depressed about my relationship with her. I want a sister who looks up to me and treats me with respect. I am two years older than her. She is just a spoiled brat who calls me retarded and makes fun of me all the time.
 
The reason I like those little Nicaraguan sisters better is because they know how to respect their older sister and they don't shut her off every time she opens up because they respect what she has to say.
 
I always listen to my sister. I don't tell her to shut up mid sentence. Or that I don't care what she has to say. That is just so rude and I do care. I think it's important for people to share their thoughts and feelings.
 
I'm literally just some fucking clown to her.
 
I just feel so lonely. Like all I want is the unconditional love of a sister that is mutual and apparent. Like I feel like those little Nicaraguan children are my sisters. I love them so much and they definitely reciprocate the feelings and I have never felt happier.
 
I just hate how she always puts me down and mocks me. It's like she's getting revenge because the roles were reversed when I was younger.
 
I want to get back at her. I just don't want to talk to her or see her or have fun with her. It's hard though. I want to show her that it's not ok. I'm already emotionally unstable with my social relations with others. I don't need it from my own sister.
 
I just want to know who she really is. I don't even know her.
 
I hope my roommate doesn't hate me and that she could almost be like a sister to me. And trust me. and share things with me.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
What are you most insecure about?
My physical appearance

What do you think is your best feature?
My positive and inspiring personality

What do you think is your worst feature?
My judgmental mind and over-analytical mind

Are you self-confident? Why or why not?
I am and I am not. I have confidence in my abilities at times, there are many things I know and can do. Yet I have extreme lows where I feel like shit and feel worthless. I value the opinions of others too much; I am socially dependent.

How would you describe your looks?
stocky, dirty blonde hair, muscular, busty, blue eyes, yellowy skin, my hair is wavyish. short.
 
How would you describe your personality?
impulsive, loud, enthusiastic, creative, fun, warm, talkative, easy-going, yet at the same time critical and judgmental. Relaxed, laughable. Fun, friendly.

Are you in love? If not, have you ever been in love?
"I'm not in love... I'm not in loveeeee. We are not in love!" I've never been in love. Only in obsession. I do not know if I believe in it.

What do you look for in a guy?
Funny, shy, comfort, easy-going, accepting, opinionated, passionate yet not over expressive in his feelings for me, authenticity, loyalty

What is one thing that you find adorable when guys do it?
Act awkward, say subtle hilarious things

What is your biggest fear?
Being alone with my dangerous thoughts

What is something you're excited for?
Going on a date with a person/ taking my roommate to this really good mexican restaurant.

What is something that you're obsessed with right now?
My roommate's friends and Kevin Spacey.

What is your favourite beauty product?
Mascara

How would you describe your fashion style?
grandma/comfy meets masculine occasional rocker

What is your favourite piece of clothing you own?
My oxfords!! Or my denim button down.

What is a piece of clothing you want to buy?
lace up boots

Fave song?
Currently? Either "Air War" by Crystal Castles, "Amenany" by Purity Ring and "Foreground" by Grizzly Bear.
 
Fave artist?
Crystal Castles, Beach House, Grizzly Bear, Radiohead, Purity Ring

Fave movie?
Too many!! Requiem for a Dream, 12 Monkeys, Donnie Darko, The Cat Returns, The Last Unicorn.
 
Fave actor?
KEVIN SPACEY. HANDS DOWN. NO QUESTION.

Fave actress?
None? Ummmm... If I had to choose... I guess Kristen Wiig or Rachel McAdams.

Fave model?
AARON PAUL. OR KEVIN SPACEY IF THAT EVEN CAN COUNT.
 
Fave book?
The Catcher in the Rye, forever and ever!

Fave animal?
Anteater? Giraffe? Zebra. There's so many good ones!

Fave colour?
GRAY

Fave drink?
Superfood

Fave food?
RICIN BEANS?!

Sorry this set is pretty ugly. I rushed a little with it.
 
Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order
 
I pretty much love the 80s and anything that has a synth. I love synths. AHH!
 
I am still strongly infatuated with a Nicaraguan Boy. I think it's because in our composite chart we have Venus square Pluto which means we will both be attracted to each other but one will me more obsessive due to the Pluto aspect.
Here's what cafe astrology has to say about that:
 
"This relationship can never be taken lightly, as it exists to transform your values and change your attitude towards love and relationship. It demands a lot from you both. This relationship starts off intensely and you are likely to become very close quickly. However, attempts to maintain this high level of intimacy and emotional involvement or dependency can eventually break down the relationship. One or both of you might resort to tricks and manipulative behavior in an attempt to keep the partner dependent, loyal, and intensely involved. Fear of betrayal or loss can be a self-fulfilling prophecy in this case. You are likely to come face to face with your own emotional baggage or "slush"--the darker side of yourself when it comes to attachments--through one another. Be careful not to demand more from your partner than he/she is capable of. It can be hard to let go of one another. If this relationship dissolves, it can easily turn into an angry battle over division of property, possessions, or offspring; or it can leave one or both parties feeling bitter, resentful, and angry for some time. As hard as it is to let go of the relationship, it can be equally hard to let go of angry feelings after a break-up"
 
That must be why I feel this magnetism toward him.
 
Anyways I am training to be a vigilante.

Ahh I love this song. I will never get sick of it! I listen the crap out of it.
 

I am slightly depressed.
 
I feel so strange.
 
I went to Nicaragua for two weeks two weeks ago. I went last year and I returned to the same place. I lived with a host family that has a dirt floor. I decided when I was there that I want to marry a boy who is currently 14 years old. Last time I went I fell in love with him. There’s something about him. He works hard. He is so modest and he is seriously the most beautiful person I have ever met.
 
He was my host brother last year, not this year.
 
I did see him many times and we exchanged smiles. I just want to dote on him and be everything he needs. I would love to be his wife. I'll do the laundry; even cook food which I suck at.
 
We could live in America if he wanted but preferably Nicaragua. Since he likes to learn I can teach him all I know without having to contaminate his pure Nicaraguan mind with an American mindset. We'll have plenty of children and I will take 5 days out of the week to work in the main city as an English teacher. He will be a farmer, unless he wants an education as well and wants to do something else.
 
He sacrifices so much for his family. It's the most beautiful thing and even though he acts like he doesn't care. You can tell that he does. He is the mediator of the little children he is surrounded with.
 
Playing kickball and soccer he reveals his competitive nature that makes me laugh. I just love when people are angry and just show they care; reveal enthusiasm about winning and play for the love of playing instead of just doing it to win in a passive nature and always having such a rigid structure like that of the organized select soccer or softball teams.
 
I know that I love him. I know I do. This is different in the sense of my previous crushes. Before I said I didn't love them, I said I didn't know what love is. Maybe I still don't but I know that I love him.
 
Even if not in a lusty manner, it is at least in a filial way. I'd give up all this American shit for him. At least this moment in my mind I'd do that. I am not really about lust but I just develop strong emotional attachments because my moon sign is in cancer. His is in Capricorn or possibly Aquarius depending on birth time. I think his moon sign is Capricorn because he definitely hides his feelings and emotions yet he is a Cancer and I'm a Virgo. Both of a nurturing nature. I'm not your average Virgo though. I act more like a water sign. So we'd make a great match!
 
It says that he is afraid of opening up and letting people know his feelings. I could've told you that, I could see that ever since I met me. It's obvious. I am quite the opposite. I find that endearing. He’s like a little puzzle you have to solve to see the big picture and understand him. I could help him open up and he could help me tighten my screws.
 
Also I definitely like doing things that could be considered challenging and I think being in a relationship would be a challenging, fun, and interesting experience because there would be so much to learn from each other. The things we could learn would be practically endless.
 
That's probably why my father married a Peruvian.
 
I know I love him more than the other crushes because when I think of the other crushes or when I did think of them, I felt this small swelling on the top of my heart. But when I think of this 14-year-old Nicaraguan boy I feel my whole heart swell up from the bottom. It's also different in the sense of my self-assurance of the possibility of him falling in love with me. I usually am clouded by self doubt but I don’t know I just feel it. I just feel like it would happen much more than the other crushes even though the distance is farther.
It did say in our horoscopes that one may feel subordinate to the other but I’d do my best to make him not feel that way. I have a feeling he’d be the one who’d feel that way because I’m from America. Yesterday I was daydreaming about how he’d come to America to visit my family and he’d feel insecure but I’d have to reassure him that everything will be ok and I will take his hand and look into his large brown eyes while he gazes into my blue eyes.
I think that it is more realistic in a way because the differences are so beautiful and can make us find each other attractive.
It’s funny in Nicaragua they all think that white skin and blue eyes are pretty, when people in America pay to have their smooth dark skin.
 
Anyways I wanna live there. I will do well in College and then every summer I will return to Nicaragua. I will work hard and do well in school because I want to obtain my goal of returning all this will be done in order to go back. I will return until we get married/ he falls in love with me. It'll happen.
 
I don't think I've ever been this set on doing something.
 

 
ABC'S:
A - AVAILABLE: Yeahh
B - BIRTHDAY: 8.31.94
C- CRUSHING ON: a 14-year old Nicaraguan boy
D- DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Raspberry Lemonade
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Rachel Gallagher
F - FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT: Furturistic Casket
H - HOMETOWN: Islands
I - IN LOVE WITH: Pastor Marcial Ruiz
J - JUGGLE: pish posh
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Creo que no. No fue un muerto fisico.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Mentally? When I was leaving Nicaragua and going to the airport.
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1
O - ONE WISH: To be with the people who make me the happiest.
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Huck Finn
R- REASONS TO SMILE: Thinking/looking at picture from being with my host families.
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Cuando me Enamoro
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: Around 4:15 am
U - ULTIMATE VACATION: Islands
V - VEGETABLE(S): I love a lot of em.
W - WORST HABIT: Obsessiveness
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD MOST RECENTLY: Teeth
Y - YOYOS ARE: YOVANIS?
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo

RANDOM QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU:
Your favorite number(s): 14
What color do you wear most: Grey
Least favorite color(s): Orange
What are you listening to: Don Omar
Are you happy with your life right now: Depressed
What is your favorite class in school: Not in school, going to college next fall. Ah!
Favorite pair of shoes: My bass oxfords or my good will loafers
Can you dance? I can shake my non-existent hips
What is the temperature outside: Not sure
What radio station do you listen to: I make my own
What was the last restaurant you ate at: Indian
What was the last thing you bought: Coke
What was the last thing on TV you watched: My Cousin Vinny

THE WHO'S:
Who was the last person you IM'd? What is that?
Who was the last person you took a picture of: The Dona
Who was the last person you said I love you to: Clara?

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out: Yes
Ever cried yourself to sleep: Yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder: YES
Ever cried over the opposite sex: Yes
Do you cry when you get an injury: Never. Only once that I can remember.
Do certain songs make you cry: Yes

HAPPY SECTION:
Are you a happy person?: People think I am

HAVE YOU EVER:
Been to jail: No
Thought about suicide: Definitely.
Laughed so hard you cried : Yes
Cried in school: Yes
Thrown up in a store: Nahh
Wanted to be a model: Yeah, realized I was too short and fat
Seen a dead body: In Peru. Was the first time.

THIS OR THAT :
Pepsi or Coke: COKE
McDonald's or Burger King: neither!
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries: Both
Raw meat or Veggies: Vegetables.
TV or Movie: Movie
Guitar or Drums: Guitar.
Chinese or Mexican: Mexican!

Ahhh I'm really nervous right now! I asked a guy to prom with a cake. Left it on his door step and ran away and he hasn't replied. I mean his friend told me he would say yesss. But now I am not so sure. He told me he was 100%. Golly, I am a freak. The "Do it now or forever wish you had" is how I feel about it. Like at least give it a go and ask him. Also the dice represent my gambling.
 
Anyways listen to Crystal Castles. PAP SMEAR. Sooo good. Anddd I really just enjoy like pretty much every song by them.

I literally am passionate about one thing right now.
 
It's absolutely horrible.
 
I am extremely infatuated with this guy. Who is kind of a loner, he's an aries. I barely know the guy but he's so attractive.
 
I mean he's very frail, super tall and thin. But I find his quirkiness, quietness, and mysteriousness super attractive. I mean I literally think about him constantly.
 
I've been obsessed with him before but I've never gotten this close. It's always been from afar but now I am closer. Like I actually talk to the dude.
 
When I first laid eyes on him I was infatuated. But now it has turned into an obsession because he is in my spanish class (again) but now he notices me in the best way.
 
Like my teacher thinks I'm funny and so does that whole class and it's mostly because of my cat bite that happened before (check out previous set) I made these posters with my face on it and it was for this stupid choir thing. Anyway...
 
I feel this stupid addicted feeling to him. Yet I do not know him. Nor do we have much in common he's a loner stoner type and I'm much more of a clean loud obnoxious person.
 
This guy has seemed to notice me by his body language. We make eye contact and when I was gone in class we were supposed to be in a group and he asked my friend where I was and then told her that he thought I was really funny. And when we did work in a group he pretty much laughed at everything I said.
 
We haven't been in a group in awhile but he seems pretty friendly in his gestures towards me and he isn't a very extroverted guy. Like he's nice when you talk to him but he never really goes out of his way to talk to someone he doesn't really know. I've observed that.
 
Also when I had to leave early from class he told me "buena suerte" on my softball game. Then when I walked by him the other day I glanced and then kept on walking without really looking at him and my friend said he looked and me happily with "affection" so she said. But she's one of the most honest people I've ever met so I believe her. And then today when I was talking to my teacher he interjected a comment of pride of our Hogwarts house. Even though he wasn't in the conversation.
 
Well I'm extremely attracted to him. I want to be his friend, at least. And I feel so accomplished because I've been fond of him since the beginning of last year and now finally we kind of talk. And I definitely notice the difference between the two like when he didn't care about me and now when he thinks I'm funny.
 
I also like the idea of him because he's not super flirty and friendly with everyone. You can tell when he likes someone/cares about someone/interested in someone and when he's not. It's never false. Or so it appears. I guess I don't really know the dude. But I feel like we have a similar taste an fondness of the cinematic arts and music.
 
I just guess I need to get to know him. But I am not sure how. I am a coward. I need to be a bit more relaxed and strike up more conversation in person with him. I just fear that he'll end up not liking me at all.
 
All that I have ever wanted. EVER really wanted in life is to find my significant other and to run away with them to places that I have never been before. I want to find love and see what it's like to lie on a field with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them and look into each others eyes and we needn't speak because we know.
 
The beauty of not needing to speak. Of being ok in the perfect silence. I also hope that he'll be deep and be able to talk some intense philosophy and accept me the way that I am.
 
I do find myself beautiful. Like I have a great personality, maybe not the best looks but my personality is great even if I do get a little annoying. I just fear. and my FEAR is controlling me. I'm so afraid of what might happen in relationships. Not that I've ever been in one. But that's why I'm afraid because I do not know how the other will react.
 
Help me to control it.

If you wanna know why this set is so ugly and why there's only half of everything in it it's because that is a picture of me and I can only see with one eye.
 
I got attack by a cat yesterday.... haaa.
 
Hence why there is so much ugly in the set, I am ugly with it.
 
I felt like a bad arse getting stitches and having blood all over my clothes
 
In the hospital my sister and I were cracking a lot of jokes and having a blast.
 
What an exciting horrific night
 
I'm excited having my 2nd shiner. WOOT!
 
I also made this set in like 5 minutes. It;s kind of hard to see and tyoe because it also bit my thumb.
 
Have you ever had crusted blood in your hair?

FOR THESE CLOTHES.
 
I'd say my style is:
- grandma/comfortable/quirky-at-times/modest/simple/masculine-and-feminine-all-at-once.

Goshhh
I love this song
Sooo evocative and beautiful.
I use to be so obsessed with this band
I have to say I don't like them that much anymore, I kind of hate TBP and the new album. I just like "Revenge" and "Bullets" mostly "Bullets" it's soo raw and pure. And the lyrics are very figurative and can create so eerie, dreary images in your mind's eye, but I love that.
 
I kind of wanna be punkier because when I listen to them it's hard core fast beats. I mean the genre of "Bullets" is post-hardcore and the genre of "Revenge" is pop punk. (source: WIKIPEDIA)
 
I love how this song is long and divides into four sections:
 
1) the ballad, it's all romantic he's talking about taking her away and stuff.
2) then it breaks down into the emotions, he wants her to know the truth about how he feels, how much he actually loves her because they might die soon in their criminal actions
3) then it stops and he gets all sentimental and philosophical. "All we are is bullets" I'm not too sure what it means, perhaps he means that people are violent and chaotic like guns and bullets. Who really knows...
4) Then the intense guitar solo and finale where the two lovers DIE. "and as we're falling down, I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood, I'll meet your eyes. I mean this forever." His love is still powerful and even in the afterlife may it be in hell, he will love her. Always.
 
So powerful. My favorite part is prolly 2&3. I just love when he SCREAMS "I'm tryin!!" it just emphasizes how he wants her to know, most singers sing yet can never capture the intention and the emotion through the expression of their voice because sometimes it can be straining but he just lets it all out and does not worry about singing with proper mechanics (ie. NOT SCREAMING)
 
Has to be one of my favorite songs of all time.